Happy, Pukey Drivel!
by La Javert
Summary: Eoh it's a positively DELICIOUS day in Paris! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and Javert and Marius are off to find ice cream. With what merry adventures shall this Dynamic Duo be met? c. 1998, when I'd really, REALLY had it with fan fiction
1. Chapter 1

Oh it was a LOVELY day! The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, the air was thick with the scent of lilacs, and sunflowers shed their bright yellow pollen ALLLL over the passersby.

A young man was seated on a bench. "Good day Inspector!" he said brightly, seeing a familiar face in the crowd passing through the park.

"Good day Marius Pontmercy!" Javert replied, grinning his big happy grin. "What are you doing today?"

"Oh I'm just sitting here, doing nothing, waiting around to gawk at the pretty little girl who sits over there every day. Nothing much worth worrying about. You?"

"Oh, I've quit the police force! Everyone was too stuffy and mean there for me. I couldn't take it anymore!"

"Well gosh Inspector, guess I'd better just call you Javert from now on." Marius smiled.

"Oh no no dear boy! Call me Snookums. EVERYONE who knows me well does!"

"Oh but I thought no one knew you well!"

"Why you're absolutely right! So you would be the first then -- to call me Snookums that is. AND to know me really well. Yes, that too."

"Well I'm proud of it then, Snookums! Gosh, what a happy, jolly name Snookums is. Is it your own?"

"Whose else would it be?"

"Ha ha! You're so clever, Snookums! I know that we shall always be the best of friends!" Marius hugged Javert, and both of them felt really happy, friendly and good all over. Awwwww!

"So what would you like to do, Marius?--"

"Oh DO call me Slappy! I'd quite like it if you did!"

"All right!" Javert said. "Slappy it is then. What would you like to do today, Slappy? Or are you too busy gawking at little girls?"

"Oh no, I'm never too busy to spend a day with my chum Snookums!"

"Eoh jolly good!"

"Let us go fetch some ice cream!"

Slappy and Snookums began to titter. "Oh ice cream! Oh jolly, jolly good!" they exclaimed at once.

**And so the two went skipping along down the path in the Luxembourg, off on a great adventure to roam about Paris in the sunshine, looking for ice cream. Let us hope that when they do find, it will not melt all over their pretty clothing. Oh how DISASTROUS 'twould be! They must certainly invest in a set of bibs! Or eat their ice cream in the shade! Or eat it in a cup with a spoon -- or should it melt, they should suck it up with a straw! Oh what a lovely bunch of options they have! WhatEVER will they choose to do? Tune in next time, to Happy, Pukey Drivel to find out! **

**WHAT will become of Slappy and Snookums?  
Will they end up in a sticky mess?  
Will they spoon their way out of trouble?  
Will they have to ICE-CREAM for help? **

**Tune in next time! Same Happy, Pukey time; same Happy, Pukey channel!**


	2. Chapter 2

Snookums and Slappy went skipping into the busy streets of Paris, arms linked, and singing "Allouette". People smiled and waved when they passed. They waved back. Everyone was made happier by their passing presence, and this made Snookums and Slappy ever so jolly and satisfied.

"Oh what a jolly, jolly day!" said Slappy.

"Oh yes indeed! I do hope we find some ice cream very soon!" Snookums agreed.

"Why don't we ask some of our happy friends?"

"What happy friends?" asked Snookums. "Why, the only happy friends we have are each other. At least, as far as I know. I only hang out with policemen who have a sense of humour like a tortoise has a nightstick. And you only hang out with students who are so geeky that they do nothing but sit around all the time and talk politics."

"Well," chimed in Slappy, "at least Grantaire had the right idea."

"Oh! Oh! Did he eat ice cream?"

"Well, no, not _ice cream_ . . ."

"Pity."

Slappy and Snookums were quiet for some thoughtful moments, though their happiness did not dim. Suddenly Slappy had an idea. "I have an idea!"

"Oh I'm certain it's quite jolly!"

"Why don't we go out and MAKE some happy friends! Then they can tell us where to buy some ice cream!"

"Oh how CAPITAL! It's simply a CAPITAL idea!"

"Oh I'm ever so glad that you like it."

Snookums smiled and sighed -- a happy sigh, to be sure. "Oh I am SO pleased that we found each other. Just think: if we hadn't, you'd have been stuck on a park bench all day staring at little girls, and I--"

"Well, it wouldn't have been SO terrible . . ." Slappy drifted in.

"As I was saying, _I_ would have been left strolling around all day, gawking at flowers. Perhaps I might even have been robbed or killed."

"That WOULD have been a terrible shame."

"Yes, it would have been. So it is quite fortunate that we met up." Snookums grinned, and bent down to pick a flower from between the paving stones.

"I couldn't have put it better myself!"

"Yes. Quite capital . . . But now let's waste no time! We must go off into Paris and make some happy friends!"

**What will happen next time to Snookums and Slappy? Will they be hit by a speeding omnibus? Will they try with a little help from their friends to find some ice cream? Will they even MAKE any friends? Oh let us hope that they do! And let us hope that, when they do, they all get together and find some ice cream and have a JOLLY time! Let us also hope that they are not robbed by Patron Minette or maimed by any wild animals. And let us hope that they do not get lost in their search! Oh! WHAT will happen to poor Snookums and Slappy? **

**Tune in next time... Same Happy, Pukey time; same Happy, Pukey channel!**


End file.
